First of all, let me just say that Chad is a sneaky smarmy kind of player. I'm not entirely sure that he's being honest with me about BJ coming to him two rounds in a row and suggesting they vote out Mia. He's telling me that allegedly there's a group of Kim, BJ and Ibe forming up to vote out Mia and they want Chad to join them. But oh no no no, Chad doesn't want to do that and he plans on voting with Tom, Mia, Lisa and myself to get rid of Bobby Jon. There's no doubt in my mind that Chad is playing many sides to this game and he's involved with a lot of people. I just hope that for this coming vote, I'm on the right side of the vote and we can work this shit out.
As of now, I'm playing a few different sides, sorta. I'm in an alliance with original Guatuso (Ami-Mia-Lisa-Chad), I'm in The Fourskins (Ami-Mia-Tom-BJ), I have a F3 with Tom and Mia, and I think a F3 was declared with Mia, Chad and myself.
Ugh. I just don't know. I get the feeling that even if I make the end, I'm out shined by others. I feel like Mia will get a lot of credit for things. Chad has played a root worthy type of game, and Tom is seen as the head honcho around here. What the fuck could I be seen as? I have done several things behind the scenes, but I doubt any of it is worth winning by. Fuck, man. I'm totally paranoid and I really don't know what got me in this funk.
I've been playing these games for such a long time, and even with all of my experience...I'm so not perfect. I don't think I really know how to be an alpha type of player.